Rolling around in my head for a while now has been a project about Love, Sex and Marriage. While these three things may be the most complex things we ever encounter, they may in fact be the most enjoyable aspects of life.
My post today has been prompted by another
blog.
This blog is dedicated to those who are willing to laugh at themselves and those who have left the fundamentalist circles. The topic of choice this week has been sex.
Yes I just said sex three times in the last three paragraphs. This should not be shocking, as this beautiful act is a fact of life(quite literally).
Growing up in the IFB circles, sex was not talked about. In most cases it is looked down upon. It was a taboo subject.
For the most part, parents I talk to say that they don't talk about it due because they want to maintain the innocence of their children.
The unfortunate fact is that innocence does not mean ignorance.
I present to you this example:
If I rob a bank, I am a robber and I am guilty.
If I do not rob a bank, I have done nothing wrong, so I am innocent.
If I do not know what robbery is, I am ignorant.
Innocence is not the idea of NOT knowing. Innocence is knowing about something but maintaining purity.
Please don't misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that we be open books and flamboyantly talk about sex all the time with everyone.
If your children ask you questions about sex, answer them. Do not be scared that if you tell them to much, they will become unbridled fornicators. I believe this to be far from the truth.
Repression tends to increase curiosity. I have heard many horror stories of teens who, did not know what sex was because they were never told(to maintain their "innocence"(ignorance)), fall into inappropriate situations because of it.
Many parents believe that it is not prudent to tell their children about sex until the day they are to be married. The day of the wedding is not the appropriate time to discuss this. As if the wedding day is not stressful enough, you drop the bomb about sex.
The irony is that if you wait until the child is in their teens, or even wait until the wedding day, odds are is that you are already too late. Kids are ingenious. They have this strange ability to analyze things. Children also have friends, and if one of those friends talks, the whole guise of innocence will be blown. Once they get curious, they study and they learn more, and unless you are there to guide that curiosity it might not be constructive.
Sex is not something that should be kept quiet. More damage can be done by repressing. For my big project I have read many stories of people who while they were growing up, every time the word sex was brought up, their parents said that it was bad. This is just as erroneous as telling your child that Santa Clause is real. Many people out there reading this would agree that telling your child that Santa Clause is real would be a lie. Saying that sex is bad every time the topic comes up is just as much of a lie.
In addition to this inflation of "truth," many times sex portrayed as a bad thing from the pulpit. Children sit in the pews and they hear messages from preachers they respect, about the wrongness of adultery and fornication, and rightly so. The problem is that the flip side is hidden from them. Sex is not portrayed properly. The effect on this demographic is drastic. They are taught from 1-18 that sex is bad, then get this huge weight dropped on them the night before the wedding or just before, saying "nope, sex is ok now. Go have guilt free sex with your spouse, even though you were told all your life that sex is wrong. " This sounds stupid but this is what many of us do.
Sex is NOT bad. Sex is good. Sex is fun. Sex is GODLY. Let's be open about sex. Sex is a beautiful act that was intended by God to be enjoyed within marriage. Don't hide it or be ashamed of it. Embrace it. Have a good time! This is yet another instance where unless we are open honest and transparent, it is impossible to live the Radical Life.